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Making it click and painless
IN HIS 2006 movie Click, Adam Sandler plays Michael Newman, a workaholic who comes across a ‘universal remote’ that allows him, with a simple click, to fast forward the unpleasant bits of his life.
Ultimately, of course, in the inescapable tradition made famous by Frank Capra, Newman comes a cropper, realising there is no gain without pain.
Fast forward to the offices of the TGA, wherein a device bearing an uncanny resemblance to the universal remote is being given the bureaucratic stamp of approval.
With names lifted straight from the pages of a Superman comic, the Nervoscope and the Activator are devices that have been successfully marketed to Australian chiropractors, with the express aim of bestowing upon them the kinds of powers hitherto only dreamed of by the likes of Michael Newman.
The Activator – described in a report compiled by Australian Skeptic Loretta Marron as “a stick that goes click” – retails for anything up to $600, training in its use being endorsed as part of chiropractors’ CPD, with sessions dedicated thereto coming in at a cool $550.
Aside from facilitating the click of the cash register, it is hard to imagine any other real-world function for the Activator, which is touted as having the capacity (among other things) to correct discrepancies in leg length.
Word has it, though, the TGA is about to approve a revolutionary new device that would do even Lex Luthor proud: the Skepticlast, described as a neuromodulatory retromentation device that puts the ‘gee’ back in ‘thought’.
Applied to the cranium, hip-pocket or perianal area of the patient, it is guaranteed to suspend unnecessary analytical processes.
The device retails for $1800, with a guarantee to generate 10 times that in increased income within the first 10 days of its use.
Designed to be used with the Activator, the combo is said to provide patients with the wherewithal to experience clinical improvement in the face of even the most compelling level I evidence.
“I used to have no end of trouble convincing patients the Activator was the way to go,” said one chiropractor, “but with the advent of the Skepticlast, I literally have to beat the buggers off with a stick!”
So in the end, it seems, Frank Capra was wrong: assuming one has $1800 to spare, one can experience gain without pain.