Wit 'n' wisdom - 16 March 2012

W’N’W legend Dr Andrew MacDonald of Cooks Hill, NSW, tells us how part of a recent consultation went like this.

His patient opened with: “After me accident at work they’ve assessed me as being 20% decapitated.”

Dr Mac replied, “I thought you had hurt your back?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“So you are incapacitated then?”

“No, they told me 20% decapitated.”

“Are you sure it didn’t affect your head?”

“No mate, just me back.”

As Dr Mara Marchesin of Carlingford, NSW, states, a GP requires a wide range of skills in many areas, as evidenced by these recent gems: 

A patient with a “bunyip” problem on their big toe.

A gentleman wanting his BCC “exorcised”.

A lady with a leaking nose who was requesting “Driposone”. 

And finally, an elderly man complaining his “morning glory” had failed to blossom.

W’N’W prodigy Dr Sylvia Yu of Bethania, Qld, saw a middle-aged patient who was diagnosed with rectal cancer five years ago.

As a football player, he refused surgery and opted for radiation therapy, worried that having a stoma and bag would affect his lifestyle. Now he’s completely recovered and still enjoys his football. 

Triumphant, he told Dr Yu, “Doc, thank goodness I didn’t have the surgery. Otherwise I’d be a kangaroo with a pouch.” 

Continuing in the same region of the body, Dr Yu saw a teenage girl who returned from an army cadet camp complaining of constipation. 

Her mother explained that during the camp, she had refused to defecate because the toilets were displeasing. She was given laxative and Microlax enema.

She asked her mum, “What’s an enemy?”

Her mum said, “Not your friend, it’s your enemy.”

Dr Yu tried to explain that defecation is required to keep the bowel healthy. “If you don’t empty your bowels, the germs will have a party inside.”

“But I didn’t invite them; they must be gatecrashers,” was her response.

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