DR LING Ronnebeck of Chatswood, NSW, had a Chinese patient who came originally from Beijing and had recently visited a national park near Sydney.

The patient described quite emotionally how he discovered towards the end of his hike that his right foot had become completely soaked in blood.

He was convinced that a malicious man must have lurked in the undergrowth and injured him with a needle.

He was terrified that he might now be HIV positive and insisted on a blood test. 

After establishing that aside from some blood loss he had not suffered any pain and had no recollection of sighting anyone, Dr Ronnebeck explained the risks of encountering leeches and how these despicable and crafty creatures operate.

The patient had never heard of such an exotic animal and insisted that the word “leech” be written on a piece of paper so he could look it up in his dictionary.

W’n’W regular Dr Henry Monkus of Malvern East, Vic, is back with two stories for us after a long absence.

He has an old Russian female patient who has lived in Australia since the 1950s.
 She recently had a full set of pathology testing and also an ECG. 

As per her usual routine, Dr Monkus provided her with a printed copy of her results. 

When she came back to see him, she was perturbed about the wording of the KGB report.

As far as he knew, she was not wanted by the Russian authorities nor was she being monitored by the KGB or CIA.

They soon laughed when he realised that she meant to say ECG report. 

Dr Simon Murray of Red Hill, Qld, had a teacher come in to ask him to verify the following note she had received from a parent to explain their child’s absence from school the previous day:-

“Yesterday, my Pauly were unwelle (sic), so I kept him home in case he were to vomitte (sic up)”.

Another day, Dr Murray was complaining vociferously to the practice manager about a swab result that had been delayed.

Someone else was trying to talk to her as well.

“Hang on,” she said to them, “I just have to listen to Simon’s swab story.”

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