Wit 'n' wisdom - 9 March 2012

DR SIMON Murray of Red Hill, Qld, had a middle-aged male patient relate with great amusement that his elderly mother had enquired after his “contraceptive” muscle. He had actually had a torn quadriceps repaired.

Dr Murray was at an education seminar recently when a palliative care specialist told of a terminally ill patient who accosted him in his outpatient clinic for starting her on a tablet called “End One”. He explained it was the one word “Endone” painkiller, not a death sentence.

Former W’n’W legend Dr Nick Hallebone of East Malvern, Vic, has been quiet lately – no doubt the result of the fact that most of his patients are asleep (hopefully) while he is practising his new role as a surgical assistant. 

He was reminded recently of a funny, unintended comment that a young Samuel Hallebone made when the family went to a GP conference some years ago. Sam told his primary school friend that the family was going to Stonehenge. He meant Stonelea, a lovely conference venue in North East Victoria. 

Dr Nick recently walked into theatre for an emergency caesar at about 4am. 

The obstetrician said, “Hi Nick, this is Baby...” 

He thought that was a bit strange, as he was there to deliver the baby, which was still in utero. Then he took a quick look at the lady’s file and saw that her first name was actually Baby.

Dr Kat Koh of Bendigo, Vic, had difficulty keeping a straight face when her patient came in and told her, “I think I have a Ural infection”. Dr Koh resisted the temptation to ask how she diagnosed this – perhaps her Ural bottle was discoloured?

Dr Sarah Lewis of Richmond, Vic, had a patient complaining her feet hurt due to “fashionitis”. Presuming the foot pain was due to wearing heels, Dr Lewis smiled, but the lady was unimpressed. She explained to the patient that her pain was, in fact, due to plantar fasciitis. 

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